Make a vision together on the future you want for your relationship. You can get creative/artsy or simply write your vision down. Such a vision represents an overall view, one that fills you with excitement and passion. Start by asking yourself: What do you yearn for in your relationship? What does your partner yearn for? How will you know when you have achieved the relationship of your dreams?
Focus on whatever gives you energy. Allow yourself to dream. Don’t evaluate your vision or talk yourself out of it. Believe that your vision is possible. Ask yourself, “If my life and relationship were absolutely ideal, what would it look like? What would we be doing? How would we interact?” A story will emerge about what you would like more of in your relationship, and what you need less of. Allow this story to inform you. To get more specific, reflect/discuss/get artsy on what you want your relationship to be like in the following areas:
Love
How do you want your partner to love you? What are the most meaningful ways your partner can make you feel loved? How do you want to show love to your partner? Write down a list of various ways that you would like to experience and show love in your relationship. Or you could write this sentence starter – “In a loving relationship, we would …” and list several different, specific ways to finish that sentence.
Sex & Intimacy
What does intimacy mean to you? How important is sexual intimacy to you? How often would you like to have sex? When do you like to be intimate? What puts you in the mood to have sex? How would you like your partner to invite you to make love? What about your sex life do you love? What about your sex life do you want to improve? Make a list of things that would make sexual intimacy rewarding and fulfilling for you.
Friendship
What are important aspects of friendship in your ideal relationship? Be specific so that you and your partner have a concrete idea of what to work on. How would you like your partner to build friendship with you? What would your partner like you to do to build friendship with them? You could write this sentence starter – “In a great relationship, we would build our friendship with each other by …” and list several different, specific ways to finish that sentence.
Respect
What does respect mean to you? What are ways that you want your partner to respect you? What are ways your partner wants you to respect them?
Loyalty & Trust
Are there stories from your life that illustrate what true loyalty means to you? What are ways that you would like your partner to show loyalty to you? How does your partner want you to show loyalty to them?
Family Life
How would you describe the type of family life that is important to you? How do you want to spend your free time as a family? How do you envision your evenings spent as a family? Your weekends? What would an ideal evening and weekend look like?
Lifestyle
Describe what is important to you in terms of the lifestyle you want to have as a couple? What would you like your partner to do so that you have the lifestyle you desire? What would your partner like you to do? What are you both willing to do?
Communication
What do you need from your partner in this area? What does your partner need from you? What does ideal communication look like and feel like?
Goals & Legacy
What are you trying to accomplish? What do you dream about having or doing one day? What do you want to do in your life that you have not yet? What demons in yourself have you had to fight? What legacy would you like to leave this world with? What is a individual goal you have? What is a couple goal we can work on together?
Values
What is really important to you in life? What are your top values? How do you want to live these values more?
Written by: Hadley Mitchell, R. Psych
Map Psychology Solutions
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(587) 330-2999