This blog post outlines 20 important elements of long-term happy and healthy relationships. We refer to these elements as green flags, which are associated with physical and mental wellbeing.

For each green flag below, reflect on:
  • What is my general / overall experience of this green flag in my relationship?
  • What is going well regarding this green flag?
  • What is a struggle / growth area regarding this green flag?
  • A rating of 0-5
    0 = growth area of our relationship
    5 = strength area of our relationship

Relationship Green Flags

Appreciation & Noticing   /5

I often express gratitude and admiration for my partner’s characteristics, efforts, and contributions. I notice more what my partner does do, not what they don’t do.  

Balance   /5

I find happiness in time spent together and apart. I do not expect to have all my needs met by my partner and have some needs met outside the relationship through friends, family, or hobbies.

Boundaries   /5

I am aware of and respect my partner’s limits. I uphold boundaries that protect our relationship (e.g., faithfulness and following through on what I say I’ll do).

Commitment   /5

I am invested in my partner and our relationship. I give the relationship adequate time and energy through making it a top priority. I do not threaten separation.

Commonality   /5

Yes, opposites can attract on personality characteristics, looks, or interests. Yet couples need to share important values, interests, goals, morals, and beliefs to have deep connection. 

Conflict Management   /5

I take accountability for my actions and work as a team to solve problems. I try to find win-win compromises and resolve most perpetual arguments. I try not to be defensive or put-up walls to shut my partner out.

Decision Making   /5

I take my partner’s opinion into account through collaborating and consulting with them before making major decisions.

Effective Communication   /5

I communicate my needs, feelings, and preferences, while respecting and hearing those of my partner. I speak to my partner with kindness and love. I try to stay calm and actively listen without judgement or criticism.

Empathy & Validation   /5

I care about my partner’s perspective and experiences. I try to understand and acknowledge how my partner feels, even if I don’t agree.

Honesty & Trust   /5

My actions align with my words. I have my partner’s best interests in mind. I act with integrity and consistency in the relationship.

Independence & Differentiation   /5

I have my own interests and goals separate from those of my partner. I support my partner’s interests and goals.

Intimacy   /5

I feel close and connected with my partner both physically and emotionally. I give my partner physical affection and touch in ways they like. I am comfortable expressing, giving, and receiving physical affection from my partner. I feel desired and attractive to my partner.

Love & Fondness   /5

I am fond of my partner, cherish them, and accept them for who they are. I know the most meaningful ways to love my partner and give emotional, intellectual, and physical closeness. I have a warm heart towards my partner.  

Partnership & Togetherness   /5

I feel like a team. I use “we” and “us” language instead of “I” and “me.” I regularly put what is good for the relationship ahead of what is good for me.

Play & Friendship   /5

I have fun with my partner, enjoy our quality time, and laugh.

Prioritization   /5

I consider my partner throughout the day and make time for them. I make what is important to my partner, important to me. I invest in our relationship.

Safety & Security   /5

I feel safe physically, mentally (expressing thoughts), and emotionally (expressing feelings). I experience the relationship as stable.

Self-confidence & Authenticity   /5

I feel comfortable being myself in the relationship and do not mask who I am. The thoughts and feelings I express are genuine.

Support   /5

I am there for my partner when they need me (e.g., through giving emotional support, physical comfort, and tangible help).

Vulnerability   /5

At the basis of human connection is vulnerability. I can take emotional risks and let my partner into my internal world (e.g., my hopes, dreams, fears, insecurities etc.).


Total score:   /100

There are intentionally no scoring categories (e.g., 0-20, 20-40, 40-60 etc.) for this exercise as it is more about discussion and reflection and less about the total score.

Our main relationship strength areas:


Our main relationship growth areas:

Written by: Hadley Mitchell, R. Psych
Map Psychology Solutions
[email protected]
(587) 330-2999

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