Just as you get an oil change for your car & service your furnace, relationships take the same “appointments & servicing.” We often recommend that couples do a weekly relationship check-in. In a check-in couples have space to share needs, wants, feelings, appreciation & take accountability. Weekly check-ins ultimately help couples have more effective communication as well as deeper connection & intimacy.
How to use this tool:
Designate 10-20 minutes on Sundays (or another day of the week that works best for you) to check-in about the below 6 relationship areas. As you are starting this, set a weekly reminder on your phone to remember to do this exercise.
1. Feelings: share your prominent feelings throughout the week.
For example:
“I felt scared when …”
“I felt insecure when …”
“I felt joy when …”
2. Affirm/Validate: share something you admired/appreciated about your partner this week.
For example:
“It meant a lot to me when you …”
“I really admired how you …”
“I was proud of you when …”
“It made me feel loved when you …”
3. Need/Want: share something you needed or wanted more of from your partner this week. When asking for what you need, it is important to speak from the “I statement.” As the listener, try not to internalize what your partner is saying or take it personally. Instead, be curious about your partner’s feelings and needs and use this information as an opportunity to connect. You can also share something you needed or wanted more of on an individual level.
For example:
“I needed more self-care time, alone time, slow down time, excitement, etc”
“I needed more reassurance when …”
“It would mean a lot to me if we could work on … for next week.”
4. Owning: own something that occurred this week that wasn’t helpful for the relationship. Take responsibility/accountability and refrain from making excuses.
For example:
“I can own that I did not prioritize you when I said I would call and then didn’t.”
“I can take accountability for not helping around the house as much as I could have.”
“I own that when you wanted to be intimate, and I pulled away, it felt rejecting.”
5. Look Ahead: share your upcoming week and any stresses and worries you might have. Also share how you’ll make time for each other as well as your individual needs throughout the week.
For example:
“This upcoming week, I am nervous about …”
“This week, I would really appreciate your help with …”
“This week, I’d love to spend time …”
“This week, let’s try to do … together”
“This week, I would really love a solo night on …”
6. Open category: make this category specific to your relationship.
For example:
Check in on finances, or intimacy, or conflict management, or parenting etc.
We hope this tool brings your relationship togetherness, love & connection.
Written by: Hadley Mitchell, R. Psych
Map Psychology Solutions
[email protected]
(587) 330-2999